The Harlot Channel?

"Dad, the TV's not working!," exclaimed Kaleb, our 5-year-old, two days ago.

I came into the den, glanced at the TV, and observed it was displaying blocks of messed-up TV picture across the screen and muting the audio.

I explained to Kaleb that the TV signal was pixelizing -- displaying little blocks of messed-up TV instead of a good picture. He said, "Oh!", and I changed to a different channel with better reception.

Yesterday, same problem. I said, "It's pixelizing again," and changed the TV to a better channel.

Today, we were watching TV together. It started acting up, and Kaleb said, "Dad, it's prostituting."

I should have simply said, "You mean pixelizing," but I didn't think enough before speaking. I added on, "Prostituting is something entirely different."

Of course that opened the way for Kaleb's next question.... "What's prostituting?"

"Uh... that's a word you don't need to know about until you're older."

He seemed satisfied enough with that answer... Whew!

What To Do If a Pot Catches Fire, Per Kaleb

While I cooked oatmeal this morning, Kaleb asked me what I would do if a pot caught on fire.

I said that I might carry it outside and let it burn itself out, or I might just put a lid on it.

Kaleb said, "Or, you could roast marshmallows!"

I can see it now.... Kaleb, as an adult faced with a grease fire, heading out to the yard to cut himself a roasting stick!

I wonder what he would have done if he'd been Moses at the burning bush -- "Wow, a burning bush! Anybody got marshmallows?"

Duck Daddy! They've got ....

This one goes way back, but I still laugh about it today.

Hannah was just a few years old. (She's sixteen now).

I was driving, and I noticed a car behind us. To make things fun, I decided to pretend we were being chased by bad guys. I said, "Duck, Hannah! They've got guns!" We both hunched down. Hannah laughed. I smiled.

A little later, Hannah cries out, "Duck, Daddy! They've got knives!"

I laughed a little and then asked, "What are they going to do with knives?" Hannah paused, then said "Oh! They've got guns!"

You are the best - How old are you?

With so many kids, we can't tell just one of them that they're the best boy or girl in the world, so we qualify the statement by adding their age.

Last night at bedtime, I told Kaleb, "You are the best five-year-old in the world."

Kaleb replied, "You are the best - how old are you?"

"41."

"You're the best 41-year-old daddy in the world."

I reckon I should serve notice on all the other 41-year-old daddies out there -- My five-year-old says I'm the best!

The hard way or the easy way...

One of KC's favorite sayings to the kids is, "We can do this the hard way or the easy way." Hard way meaning the right hand of fellowship applied to the seat of knowledge or the easy way they can just do it without any assistance. It is usually preceded by one of the kids not wanting to put their shoes on or not wanting to sit in that particular seat in the van. You know what I mean — those everyday little battles that seem so important to them at the time.

One day his words came back to haunt him. Kaleb and I were getting ready so we could all go to lunch, and KC was the last one ready (as usual). After numerous times of running up and down the stairs to daddy's office to see if he was ready to go, Kaleb finally said, "Now, Daddy, we can do this the hard way or the easy way!"

Lord, Open My Eyes So I Can See

I'm not sure how many times as a pastor I prayed that simple prayer and received amazing answers.

Looking for a paper form, I prayed it. God said to check the kitchen cabinets. I didn't, at least right away. It just didn't make sense to me that the form would be in a kitchen cabinet. But, the form was in the cabinet.

Looking for shoes, I prayed it. God said, "Sit Down." I sat -- and I immediately saw my shoes in the top of a laundry basket underneath a table.

I haven't had as much luck with that prayer these past four years.

I suspect that God used to answer it so often because He knew I would tell my congregation all about it. And I did -- every time! This past four years, though, no congregation -- no opening-of-the-eyes-so-I-can-see.

Until today.

I was supposed to bring a DVD to church, but I forgot to grab it. I hurried back to the house, but couldn't find the DVD.

I looked on the dresser where I last saw it.
I looked on my desk.
I looked on Mikesha's desk.
I looked on the kitchen counter.
I looked on the kitchen table.
I looked on the dining room table.
I looked on my bathroom counter.
I looked on the coffee table.
I looked on my bed and all of my kids' beds.
I looked in all of the various DVD players in my house.
I looked in the vehicle I was driving.

I called my wife, and she quizzed the kids. Keaton mentioned hiding the movie behind the curtain in the family room. I checked, and there was indeed a movie there, but it was #2 in the series -- I needed #1.

Just as I was about to give up, I got the idea to pray, "Lord, open my eyes so I can see where the movie is". I then thought about how God used to answer that prayer when I pastored, and then... I saw the corner of the DVD case peeking out from under a small stack of papers on Mikesha's desk.

God did it! A four-year run of unanswered open-my-eyes prayers has ended.

I wonder if this means pastoring is in my near future.

Or, maybe God just knew I would write about it.

Uncle Roddie's Buddy

Our youngest son has an unusually strong bond with our Pastor from Bedford. Our kids call them Uncle Rodney and Aunt Angie, to say that they are important to our family is an understatement. We received word Sunday night that Rodney's father had passed away.

We were sitting at the dinner table Monday evening, and were discussing who in the family likes hot sauce. To which I told the kids Uncle Erik (KC's little brother) likes hot sauce on everything. Kaleb announced without hesitation that "Uncle Roddie is my favorite...I miss Uncle Roddie." I made the announcement that we needed to pray for Uncle Rodney this week because his daddy had passed away. Kaleb immediately started crying and climbed up in my lap.

Later that evening, I was talking to Aunt Angie on the phone and Kaleb wanted to talk to her. So he did, then she passed the phone to Uncle Roddie...here's how the conversation went:

Uncle Roddie: Hey buddy how are you?
Kaleb: I am fine. I am sorry your daddy passed away...(with tears in his eyes)
Uncle Roddie: Thanks buddy, you take care and be good.

Needless to say...I was in tears. I was floored by the compassion Kaleb at 5 yrs old felt for his Uncle Roddie.